20100615

I’m feeling like sharing. I don’t really know how to do it out loud. I mean I don’t know it in any way. Cause sharing is something which has to happen out loud not just in some weird-as-shit inner monologue which would make perfect sense to write down but is unable to leave my head. I want not to read back and change stuff here. It may look worse but it will look much more like me.

And… I have already looked back. I’ve finished reading Watchmen. It was a great book, no wonder so many people praised it. And I have realised. (I don’t care about chrome wanting to correct that to realize) life is a miracle. And then that it’s not. Not in the sense of traditional miracles at least. Or maybe only in that sense. I mean if we happen to live outside of time maybe it’s not a power but a degeneracy that we cannot see the future. I mean that what free choice do we have if we exist not only now or now but in evey possible time between the times when we don’t?

And that’s where the language barrier comes in. Not as a force we have to deal with but as one which couldn’t be helped. One exploding into our face when we try to examine, understand or share*. Because we don’t have a tense which doesn’t have a time associated with it. We cannot say exists without meaning existent in a particular time or timeframe. But what happens if we are just a big piece of junk shaped as humans floating around in our present world. What if we just understand our own existense in a timely manner because our frakking brains cannot do it otherwise? What happens when all we knew about past and future and present brakes down into an inability to see them all together? When having memories only means that we have already managed to process that part of our body? And if this is even mildly similar to what may really happen then what comes when we die. Cause it may only mean that we understand everything what is important to us. Shouldn’t it just be … i don’t know … nice?

Or maybe we really are thermodinamical miracles able to fcuk with all the strings trying to set us on a ‘path’. Able to come above all that crap what a universe (one with a really crap sense of humour btw) throws into our face.

maybe both. maybe we have to understand it to be able to laugh on it. we are humans after all. MastersComedians of teh fukcing Universe!

*just forget about maths for a moment here, ok? thanks